This subject is very near to my heart and the reason why I started Kaleidolife in the first place. We all experience our own adversities, issues, and drama in our lifetime, but when someone you love hurts you, it breaks you down so much and leaves lasting scars.
My own experiences of abuse have given me a deep understanding and so much empathy when someone has to deal with this trauma. My broken heart led me to study domestic violence and trauma counseling. I felt that I needed to spread the word that there is hope for healing and getting out of your situation.
My biggest concern is for the children who get dragged into their parent’s abuse. As adults, we make our own choices and can deal with the consequences ourselves. But, children cannot stand up for themselves and simply get out when things get bad. They are helpless and learn these negative behaviors from their parents. They carry it well into their adulthood and so the vicious circle of abuse continues.
It is difficult. I am not going to sugar coat it. Some get help and manage to break free and start a new life for themselves and some just never do. I do not have a magic wand that I can wave around and make all your troubles disappear. But feeling overwhelmed and alone will not help you walk back to a normal, calm peaceful life.
When dealing with an abusive partner/parent, it is imperative to realize that they do NOT have the same perspective or views of the situation than you do. They do NOT think that they are wrong or hurting you. They do NOT see themselves as the perpetrator or abuser. They do NOT understand that their behavior is destructive or abusive. And you will NOT be able to let them see otherwise. EVER! They need professional help or the cycle will continue until death.
Instead, they see themselves as strong and that they are taking charge of a situation that, in their mind, is out of control and needs to be saved by them. They feel that you “belong” to them and them alone and that this is how they show you how much they love and care for you. They feel that it is their duty as your partner/parent to teach you, keep you under control and manage your life for your own good.
They are normally very self-centered, arrogant, controlling and bombastic on the outside, but really insecure and scared on the inside. 90% of the time they have experienced abuse themselves at some point in their lives. You will never be able to change them. It does not matter how sweet and charming they are when they are trying to apologize for their behavior to win you back. The abuse will continue until you both get professional help and allow each other space away from each other to breathe and think.
As a domestic violence counselor, I am able to assist you in planning your safety plan, getting the appropriate resources for your specific area and situation. I assist my clients in working alongside them in their plan and helping them achieve their goal to live a healthy, abuse-free life.
Building up confidence and your ability to choose what happens to you. Your self-worth and self-love are very important to prevent you from returning to the abuser, thinking that they love and care for you.
Once you have successfully removed yourself and your children from the abusive situation, I work with you through ongoing support and maintenance to ensure that you have the courage and confidence you need to start a fresh, beautiful Kaleidolife.
If you feel that you are ready to take on this transformational journey with me, contact me and set up your first appointment. If you are reading this, you know that you are not happy in your current situation. Take that very important first step today and trust your instincts. You are worth it!
If you or anybody you know is in immediate danger, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224. Or dial 211 now.
Domestic violence counseling is done via Zoom online secure platform or at a mutual safe space. I see domestic violence clients on a sliding scale module. Please contact me at (619)-618-9439 or firstname.lastname@example.org to set up your appointment.